danabear70's Blog

A place to express, vent, and talk about life…without inhibitions


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Ok, to Let it Out

I don’t really know who the heck is actually reading my nonsense, but I have something to say again.  Well, I know of one or two, or maybe even three…

I was asked a question by the currently closest person to my heart tonight, and I answered a little too quickly.  Maybe I didn’t quite understand the question, which went something like this:

“Where do you see yourself in a year from now?”  (I guess this could be give or take a couple months from the exact one-year mark).  I thought about the question for about- Oh, lets say about 5-10 seconds and for a split-second I was hesitant to reply with what I really wanted to honestly answer the question with.  After all… It’s just a question, right??  Then I said, what the heck and I just told this person what I felt.  In simple, yet honest terminology. 

That’s when I saw the reaction on their face, and knowing as soon as I saw it; I realized that it was not the answer this person was looking for.  (oops- foot in mouth; yeah, big-time).  I wished I could take that answer back.  just erase it.  But it was too late.  So what do I do?  I start to shut down.  That’s how I deal with that stuff.  I was just being honest, after all; but I am the “pleasing type” and I guess that wasn’t too pleasing. 

Now, I can’t tell you all what I actually said to this person.  But what I can tell you is that (foot in mouth); I regret it now.  Some things need to be kept inside until you are absolutely sure that both you AND that other person are comfortable with what you want to get off your chest.  Even if it is just a simple question/answer.  One single word in the English Language can be life-altering; life-changing.  Or any language.  Some things as I have learned through the hurt I’ve been through over the years are just better kept inside where they are safe.  It’s like a child hiding under a makeshift fort made out of sheets and blankets, draped over furniture.  Safely kept inside.  No one needs to really know what you are doing/thinking when you are within your own special hiding place.  

Lesson learned:  Sometimes it is better to “feel” than to speak, even if you are just being honest.  Some things better kept on the down-low until you are sure it won’t hurt anyone.  I will give you this… The person who asked me the question (wanting some other answer obviously) is someone I do not want to lose at any cost… Even if it means hiding certain emotions that might (foot in mouth)… push them away. 

I’ve been promised basically that I will not lose this person, so that gives me some sense of contentment.  I got a long road before it comes to true fruition in my mind.  I hope it does at one point, one day.  And I hope for what I really want in the end.  The thing that I regretted saying.  But it is what it is.  In the meantime, I trust God and pray.  After all, He is the one in control (of it all) and we gotta put our trust in Him. 

I am okay now.  Got it out.   I’ll try to make the next blog a bit more uplifting.  This is just a difficult time.  A complicated time. 

Geez, I don’t know how to “categorize” this stuff yet so that these emotional blogs end up in the right place.  But I’ll figure it out.  I always do. 

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I guess I have done “done” it…

What a redneck caption! LOL, just have to laugh at my own stupidity.

I just found the greatest thing that ever (could’ve) happened to me.  But I go messing it up.  I am not angry.  Whatever cometh my way is truly well-deserved and I am just trying to figure out some way to get through this one.

I am no stranger to pain.  It’s just the way the saying goes (NO I will NOT say it). But my fault? Yep.

Nuff said… I’m tired and will go lay in my lonely bed.  Gnite, all.  Hope this one wasn’t too depressive.  Didn’t mean for it to be.  After all, I am happy for any one who comes across this one and knows deep in their heart that they really ARE happy.  And if you can actually find that treasure and literally hold onto it (not lose it)… You have found something amazing.


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Brrr!!!!!!!! Freezing in Florida

Well, I can say it is a bit “chilly” here in Florida this am… However, well this Jersey girl don’t mind it too much.  As long as i have someone to snuggle with on a cold night like tonite is forecasted to be.

I may have been in Florida most of my life (and lived out in the Great Northwest for a bit in-between); however, I will admit that when it gets chilly here with the Florida humidity mixed in the air… Well, it actually chills you to the bone at times.  And YES, it has (sort of ) snowed here once or twice since I’ve been down here.

Anyway, the one I love is suffering out in it.  I feel a bit guilty but hey… He will survive.  After all, he is a survivor to the fittest!  A little chilly air won’t bother him as long as he gets home safely in bed as swiftly as the mass transit will allow.

K, that was all I had to say at the “Brrr!!!” moment.  Still getting used to this thing.


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Today’s Experience

Okay, second blog post…

I was on my way home from dropping off my man at work, picking up something at Petco, Kmart, and eating the nastiest tasting Krystal ever… (don’t think they actually steamed it this time around).  Please God why can’t there be a single White Castle in Florida?!!

Anyway, I heard some lady come on the radio and say (the part I caught anyway)… “Some of us remember our “first kiss”, “first date”, etc… But actual LOVE  really truly sometimes hurts.  She is correct- it def DOES.

Well, I wasn’t in the mood for more commentary from this (whomever she was); so I simply changed the station and ended up with a song that drove me even crazier.  All I can remember from there was I turned the damn thing off and blocked out whatever it was that was playing from my memory.

But you know what?  I am on a mission right now, so I sorta (kinda) really gotta GO.  Sooooo, with all that being said (God knows I hate the expression “With that being said”- and here I am of all people using it!)…

See ya on the next post.  Can’t promise when.  Just remember one thing- Not a good idea to go to bed sad or angry.  (Except for in that song “Paradise by the Dashboard Lights”…. “Let me sleep on it, baby baby…”)  Well, you all (whomever sees this nonsense from my mind)… You all remember the rest.


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The Truth of the Matter(s)

Okay, here we go… My bf put me up to this. So, I don’t know what in the world I am doing “blogging” but I will give it a shot.

I am going through many changes in my life, hopefully for the better. I hope it becomes what I envision it to be (and I hate this keyboard, btw). So I got lots of things to accomplish in a very short amount of time. Mom’s in a rehab (fancy for nursing home) and I had to surrender her apt so therefore I need to get the rest of her stuff out by today. I am also working on staying caught up with bills, seeing as I am getting ready to go through a divorce (not that he helped me much anyway- more like yelled in MY face every day while he was paying his cell and the cable bill and I was paying the rest while he blew his money on a monthly basis on, well… Let’s just say “stuff” that is not right). So I think God has made a major intervention in my life which has given me a whole new (Damnit this keyboard!)… As I was saying, a whole new positive outlook on my future and motivation to do it right this time. That includes relationships, work, raising my almost grown son, another little problem I have, etc.

And for anyone reading this… Don’t be afraid (to throw away your shitty keyboard and plug the old one back in)… Oops, I meant to say- Don’t be afraid of 2 things this coming year- 1) Listening to your HEART, not just your head; and 2) the number “13” in the upcoming year. Because it’s gonna be a good one! No one said life would be easy, but it is what it is and it is what WE OURSELVES make it. Tru dat. Bye for now. More to come…
Now, how the hell do I actually post this thing?!